As The Lug Nut Turns

Boy, NASCAR is just about to turn in to a Soap Opera this year, huh?  But ain't it a blast?!?!  So, I thought it would be fun to make it a Soap Opera.  Like Such:

As we enter the beautiful mountainous area of Long Pond, PA, the drama of the Gillette ProGlide 500 is about to unfold when Mother Nature says: "I'm gonna by golly get my TV time and subject you all to two hours of mindless conversation with Larry McReynolds." 

And Larry responded by telling us stories of the old days, which may or may not be fantasy.

Enter the pothole, who under his breath lightly whispers:  "If Mr. Cone and Mr. Jack can get more TV time, why can't I?  I've got a new sponsor, QUICK-SET CONCRETE FIX IT, and am gonna show up at every race, every time NASCAR needs a phantom debris caution."

Sam Hornish, Jr. enters the lead saying, "HOLY CRAP!!!!  I AM IN FRONT!!!!!  DO I HIT THE WALL NOW, OR LATER????"

Joey Logano and Kevin Harvick have words with their bumpers on the track, and on pit road afterward, and Logano blew up.  Is this really a secret behind-the-scenes lover's quarrel?

A.J. Allmendinger and teammate Kasey Khane dust it up and take out half the field.  Richard Petty is smiling and saying, "If they could have saved them, we'd have gotten a top twenty for a change."

Denny Hamlin, hoists the trophy and is secretly thinking, "BITE ME.  I'm gonna whip Jimmie Johnson's ass this year.  Then, I will send Kyle Busch another bag of M&Ms."

Tune in next week at Michigan when we'll hear DeLana Harvick say:

"Joey Logano is a love God!"

Dale Earnhardt, Jr, will say:  "Is this the track I'm supposed to be at, or should I be at the Whelen Series?"

Carl Edwards will say: "THIS IS CONCRETE!!!  I WIN, I WIN!!!!  So, why am I listed in 45th place?"

ANNOUNCER:  Will Jimmie Johnson ever win again?  Will Brad Keselowski find out that it's OK to give some room on the track?  Will Kurt and Kyle Busch find out that they're really not brothers?  Will Sam Hornish, Jr. apologize to all things painted?  These questions and more, will be answered on the next episode of:  AS THE LUG NUT TURNS!!!!!

Author's Note:  What a fun piece to write.  Sick I admit, but FUN!!!!!!!  This is just my strange sense of humor, folks, and not to be taken seriously.