DOVER: The Monster Mile Took A Nap Today

With very few exceptions, The Autism Speaks 400 was, well.......DULL!!

I was shocked to see only five caution flags all day. I'm not sure if Sam Hornish, Jr. was responsible for all five or not, but you can bet he was close. That guy spreads more paint that Michelangelo ever thought about. Kasey Khane, was poised to run for his first win of the year, and broke a shifter. Juan Pablo Montoya broke the same part, an axle, I think, TWICE. Kevin Harvick, left as the points leader, despite running at a track that he himself admits,'is not one of our best.'

Kyle Busch won again. Jimmie Johnson got busted for speeding on pit road late in the race and fell to fourth in the championship standings. Dale Earhardt, Jr. finished eight laps down and fell to 16th. I hate to say it, but it looks like Junior's season is done before it ever got started. Now, on to this week's edition of the RJ's:

THE WHAT THE &$#! DO YOU MEAN I WAS SPEEDING AWARD?: Jimmie Johnson. To be honest, it was a really close call as to whether he was or not, but it had me ROFLMAO. He hasn't won in seven races, which is just fine with me, but could this be the end of NASCAR as we know it?

THE WHAT THE &$#! DO YOU MEAN I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT? AWARD: Larry MacReynolds of FOX. He actually called that Brian Vickers was in the 83 car. Uh, Larry Mac? He (Vickers) just got out of the freaking hospital Friday. Pay attention to the race, please.

THE I'M GLAD WE DIDN'T SCREW UP ON PIT ROAD AGAIN AWARD: Jeff Burton. Strong second place finish. That team deserves it. If the fans don't vote him in to the all star race, it will be nothing short of a travesty. What a gentleman, clean racer, and good ambassador for our sport.

THE WHERE THE &%#! DID HE COME FROM AWARD?: David Rueitiman. MWR racing needed that top five, badly. Didn't hurt his request for a long-term contract, either.

THE WHAT THE $#%! HAPPENED TO HIM AWARD?: Jeff Gordon, who has been so impressive all year, finished 11th. He was never really a factor. Wonder why?

THE ALL THINGS PAINTED FEAR ME AWARD: Sam Hornish, Jr. He brought out two of the five cautions, that I know of. If were paint at a race track, I would just peel myself off the wall to get away from this guy. With his sponsorship gone next year, I would not be a bit surprised if he is too.

THE I THINK I AM GONNA BARF AWARD: Kyle Busch. It's as old seeing this punk win as it is seeing Jimmie Johnson do the same. He just rubs me the wrong way.

Well, that's it for Dover. On to Charlotte next weekend for the All-Star race.

My Pick: Jeff Burton. The fans, WILL do the right thing and vote him in, and he'll thank 'em just like Kasey Khane did: With a win.

Should be a dandy. We'll catch you in Victory Lane later on this week!